


they can't take you from me

by kinneyb



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 15:42:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17103401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinneyb/pseuds/kinneyb
Summary: They've tried many times now, but each time Ash needs to stop before they get too far.Eiji is never mad, of course, but he is sad. Not because they've been interrupted, but because Ash always starts shaking after and on especially bad nights he sobs. And apologizes like it's somehow his fault and that's what hurts Eiji the most.But he's determined to show Ash that sex can be good, enjoyable if only because that's what the other man craves so much./After many failed attempts, Ash and Eiji finally share their first time together.





	they can't take you from me

**Author's Note:**

> i tried a different style with this but lowkey... i'm rly proud of this hehe  
> ★ please follow me on twitter @ queermight & check out my pinned tweet! ★

"Are you sure this is okay?" Eiji asks for probably the third time that night, balancing over Ash on the bed. 

Ash looks up at him, eyes sparkling. "I was the one who brought up trying this again," he replies, yanking Eiji down by the collar of his shirt. "I wouldn't say that if I wasn't sure."

Eiji smiles, but he's obviously nervous. After all not only does he have to worry about Ash reacting negatively again (like he did last time) but he's also a big, fat virgin with no idea what he's doing. But then he takes a deep breath and closes the small distance left between them, their lips touching gently at first. 

Then Ash is running his tongue across Eiji's bottom lip, and Eiji quickly deepens the kiss, chasing more. Craving more.

He's never been obsessed with the idea of sex, and he still isn't - it sounds fun, sure, but it's never been something he needed. He never feels like the relationship he has with Ash is lesser than because they've never had sex, but he's also never been the type to say no when Ash shyly asks if they can try again.

They've tried many times now, but each time Ash needs to stop before they get too far.

Eiji is never mad, of course, but he is sad. Not because they've been interrupted, but because Ash always starts shaking after and on especially bad nights he sobs. And apologizes like it's somehow his fault and that's what hurts Eiji the most.

But he's determined to show Ash that sex can be good, enjoyable if only because that's what the other man craves so much.

So he gently pulls away after they've been kissing for a few minutes and smiles, tucking some of Ash's hair behind his ear. "Now relax, okay?" He waits for Ash's timid nod before slowly pulling off his shirt and soon after his pants, too. He looks up to make sure everything is still good before going for his underwear.

Ash watches with large eyes. It's so weird to be doing this and not have the urge to bury his face so tight in a pillow he almost passes out.

"You still doing okay?" Eiji asks in a gentle voice, his hand resting on Ash's thigh.

Ash lifts his head just enough to look at Eiji; sweet Eiji who's smiling up at him, his thumb stroking comfortingly across his thigh. He feels his heart swell up. "I'm okay," he replies after a moment, a smile appearing on his face. "Go on."

With a nod, Eiji slowly moves his hand across Ash's thigh until he finally makes contact with his dick. Ash stiffens, and Eiji pauses for a minute. 

"Still okay?"

Ash quickly nods, feeling stupid. Just like he does every night they try this and he ruins it for them.

"Don't be afraid to say no," Eiji reminds him sternly but then he's moving again, taking Ash's dick in his hand. He's mostly limp at first but as Eiji starts stroking he grows harder until finally Ash is so embarrassed he's covering his face with his hands.

How could he of all people feel so embarrassed during sex? He's had so much (unwanted) experienced but never did he feel like this; overwhelmed but in a good way.

"It's cute when you cover your face and act all shy," Eiji teases, his hand pausing. "But I'd much prefer seeing your face."

Ash makes a noise in the back of his throat but he obeys, moving his hands away.

Grinning, Eiji shifts around and Ash barely understands what's happening but then Eiji's mouth is on his dick and he feels like he's on fire. He wants to throw his head back and just close his eyes, melting in the pleasure, but he can't take his eyes off the sight.

Now this is something Ash has almost no experience with. After all no one ever cared about his own pleasure before. It was always about them and what they wanted. He watches, pupils blown, as Eiji moves his head up and down. 

He slowly reaches down, resting his hand in Eiji's hair. 

Eiji pulls back just enough to talk. "You can grab, pull, whatever you want, Ash, I won't mind." Then he's taking Ash back in his mouth again.

Ash knows he's been given permission but it still feels wrong, but a tiny part of him is yelling do it. So he does. He tangles his fingers up in Eiji's hair, which is stupidly soft, and pulls a bit. The idea that for once he has the power (in bed) almost makes tears swell up in his eyes, but he realizes that's stupid and quickly blinks them away.

After a couple minutes he yanks Eiji's hair. "I'm - " he clears his throat, knowing he must be red in the face " - I'm close."

Eiji pulls away, licking his lips and the sight sends shivers down Ash's spine. "Okay," he says, voice slightly hoarse, "do you want to... finish like this?" He leaves the second option unspoken.

Ash opens his mouth. Closes it. "Can we try more?"

"Of course," Eiji climbs back up so they're face level, peppering kisses all over Ash's face. "If that's what you want."

Ash nods, nuzzling his face into the crook of Eiji's neck. He smells like peppermint, which isn't surprising considering he just bought a peppermint soap the other day, claiming it was only right since it was almost Christmas.

Eiji slips off his own pants and underwear, trying to keep his movements to a minimum as if not to jostle Ash. Once he's naked, too, he gently pushes Ash back a few inches. "You still sure about what you said earlier?"

He thinks about it, and finally nods. 

"Because I do not mind switching places," Eiji continues, looking Ash in the eye. "Seriously."

Ash cracks a smile, kissing Eiji's jaw. "I'm fine. Swear on it."

"Good," Eiji says softly, "cause that's all I care about."

Leaning over and across Ash, Eiji opens the drawer beside their bed and pulls out all the stuff they'll need: namely a condom and some lube. Then he gets comfortable again and works on opening the condom. "How do you want to do this?"

Ash sits up a bit, resting on his elbows. He tries to imagine what would be best, but it doesn't matter: in the end he knows he wants to be able to see Eiji's face. If he can't, he knows he'll probably just panic again. "Like this," he says.

For once Eiji doesn't question him, probably able to hear the determination in his voice. He smiles and simply nods, rolling the condom over his dick. He struggles a bit and gets embarrassed but hey, it's his first time doing something like this.

When he's done, Ash pulls him back down for a kiss. "Thank you," he says when they part.

"You do not have to thank me," Eiji replies, briefly resting his forehead against Ash's cheek, "for treating you right." Eiji doesn't say it, but he feels a spike of pride when he sees the blush on Ash's face that extends right down to his chest.

Then he gently parts Ash's legs, pouring a generous amount of lube in his hand. "Still good?" Ash nods, and he goes to work slowly opening him up. He's never done this before, of course, but somehow it's not all that hard to grasp what to do.

When Ash archs his back with an especially throaty moan, Eiji knows he's found his sweet spot. He beams and continues rolling the tip of his finger over that spot.

He continues for what feels like hours to Ash, but he knows is probably just a few minutes. Finally he inserts his third and final finger, making sure to move in and out at a slow, steady pace. He grabs the lube with his free hand and even adds more.

"Does it feel okay?" Eiji asks. Ash nods. "Good?" Ash nods again.

Relieved, Eiji slowly pulls his fingers out. "And you're sure you wanna go all the way?" 

Ash gets back up on his elbows again, staring down at Eiji. "I want to try," he says honestly, "but I can't - " he stops, swallows and there's a look of shame on his face and Eiji wishes he could erase that feeling for him, but he knows it's not that easy. "I can't promise anything."

Eiji leans down, pressing a kiss to Ash's thigh. "And that's okay," he says, peering up at him through his eyelashes. "The minute you want to stop, we will and we'll put on a stupid movie and go to sleep and I'll wake up just as happy as I've ever been." He kisses Ash's stomach. "Because I have you by my side."

"You are," Ash takes a breath, "the sappiest person I know."

Eiji beams up at him. "And that's why you choose me."

Ash shrugs, a relaxed smile on his face. "I think fate had everything to do with that. Now," he gently knocks Eiji's side with his foot, "get on with it."

"As you wish," Eiji replies. He's slow with his movements, letting Ash know what he's going to do before he even does it. First, he readjusts Ash's legs to rest just above his hipbones. Then he pours a lot - probably too much - lube over his dick and between Ash's legs. Anything to make sure he's not in pain.

He places himself at Ash's entrance, pausing. 

"I'm okay," Ash says before he can even ask. 

With a nod, Eiji starts to push in. It's tight - tighter than Eiji expected, but just as warm as his imagination. He closes his eyes, groaning. Ash reaches up and wraps his arms around Eiji's neck, pulling him close as he bottoms out.

Eiji rests his face in Ash's neck this time, taking a few deep breaths. He gathers up just enough brain power to ask "still okay?"

Ash leaves a trail of kisses from Eiji's ear down to his jaw. "Yeah, you can move."

With permission, Eiji starts to move, pulling out and pausing for a second before pushing back in. He struggles, but eventually finds a good pace that works for both of them. Ash likes it slow, he finds, and he's more than happy to work with that.

They continue for a couple minutes, kissing on and off. But then Eiji sees something that stabs him through the heart; tears on Ash's cheeks. 

"Hey, hey," he says, stopping. "We can stop." He reaches up and wipes some tears from Ash's cheeks, holding his face between his hands.

Ash laughs, reaching up to cover Eiji's hands with his own. "No, no, I'm fine. I'm - " he squeezes Eiji's hands, more and more tears spilling out " - I'm just relieved."

Eiji swallows the nervous lump that had quickly formed in his throat. "You're... relieved," he repeats.

"Yeah," Ash replies, giving a shaky but genuine smile, "they took so much from me, but they couldn't take this from me."

Eiji is happy, sure, but the words still fill him with so much sadness. Sad that Ash ever had to worry that maybe he'd never be able to enjoy sex with anyone ever again. Even with his partner - with him. He leans down, giving Ash a sloppy, emotional kiss. When they separate, Eiji stays close, their noses brushing. "I love you."

"You - " Ash cries more, and he wants to stop and be mature but he can't. He hugs Eiji with all his strength. "I love you, Eiji, so so much."

Eiji runs his fingers through Ash's hair, slowly starting to move again. "I know," he whispers in Ash's ear. "I know."


End file.
